5 Star

Dante, Randal, Jay and Silent Bob come Full Circle.

Kevin Smith (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Max Reload and the Nether Blasters) once again writes, produces, edits and directs the tale of his past in the guise of the Quick Stop, where long time friends and sparing partners Randal (Jeff Anderson, Now You Know, Dogma) and Dante (Brian O’Halloran, Chasing Amy, Mallrats) stand behind their counter and encounter what planet Earth has to throw at them.

On the outside, little has changed since we saw the ensemble. It is the morning and Dante opens their Quick Stop to the sounds of Welcome to the Black Parade (My Chemical Romance), soon after him Randal appears from the door next to the Quick Stop, and it is not long before they are both ready for a game of rooftop hockey.

But Dante’s heart is still pining for Rebeca (Rosario Dawson, Sin City: A Dame to Kill For, The Lego Batman Movie) and his unborn daughter Grace who were killed in a drunk driver accident years ago, while Randal is oblivious to any feelings other than his own.

In their usual spot, Jay (Jason Mewes, Scream 3, Zombie Hamlet) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith) stand outside the RST video store, but the difference is that they now own it, and they have turned it into a legal marijuana dispensary. Silent Bob does a tribute to the Blues Brothers with a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist that holds the key to the shop. They still sell their legal drugs like it is the 1990’s.

There is a new Jay and Silent Bob that hang around in the Quick Stop, Elias (Trevor Fehrman, Encore! Encore! (TV Series), Now You Know) and Blockchain Coltrane (Austin Zajur, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, The Fallout), Blockchain being the silent one. They are the Christian Crypto Club, and they are peddling their new ‘Buddy Christ’ kites (Yes I said kites), and they lambast Randal for his non-Christian views.

Who, in their right minds, is gonna buy your creepy Christ kites?

With Christian fervour, Elias puts a hex on Randal.

Heavenly Father, I beseech thee, please smite this braying heretic.

This hex is pretty effective, as Randal collapses. At the hospital Randal finds out that he is in the midst of a massive heart attack and it doesn’t get any better when he sees his doctor, Dr Ladenheim (Amy Sedaris, Puss in Boots, Save Yourselves!). We go through the usual penis jokes as the Shaving Nurse (Justin Long, Die Hard 4.0, Galaxy Quest) comes to do his business, before the Dr can fit him with a stent.

A very relieved Randal has survived his ordeal, and on the way home with Dante, Randal recounts his ordeal.

The whole movie of my life flashed before my eyes, you know what, it sucked.

Dante reminds him that his life hasn’t been that bad and that it would make a pretty cool movie. Let the fun and heartache begin, as our ensemble try to make the story of Randal and the Quick Stop.